I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
