This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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