Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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