This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
