you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize