Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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