Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
