Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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