Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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