There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As shirtless as possible
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
