Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
