she woke up with a sticky ear
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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