no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
