I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
