I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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