And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
