I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
