i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
