yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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