i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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