There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
