Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
