I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
