I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Randomize