Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize