i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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