Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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