who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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