So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
