just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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