you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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