i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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