i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
