Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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