She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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