i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
