I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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