I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're like the curious george of whores
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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