She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize