We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize