It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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