Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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