I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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