I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
