her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
