whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
