She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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