look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Even my vagina gasped.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
