Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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