My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
