You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
