Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
