i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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