I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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