well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
