I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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