omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
