Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
