Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
