We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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