dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
