i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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